I crave the taste of death
by Rinusagitora
Summary: Shinigami!Karin AU. Warnings for suicidal ideation, graphic depictions of violence and injury, and mentions of self-injury. /Karin only lived in the face of death. The world had other plans for her.


**A/N: **Insp by renny33's Karin fanart on tumblr.

* * *

"How does your arm feel?"

Karin looked down at the discolored scar on her forearm where she burned a hole in it. "It doesn't feel any different."

"Really?"

Karin hummed affirmative. "The only time it feels different is when I'm looking at it. It doesn't feel like a part of me, if that makes sense."

"You scared the shit out of us, you know," Jinta confessed.

"I know. But if I was sorry, I would have apologized."

"... I know." He stuffed his hands into his jeans. "Sorry."

"Don't be. I'd do the same if I was in your shoes."

"I know."

A garganta opened a few paces ahead of them. Karin swore as a giraffe-porcupine chimera hollow hopped out.

Karin spent most of her time running for her fucking life. She didn't even like living.

Their shoes clapped against concrete streets. Even as they ran downhill with little control over their descent, Karin still felt like she wasn't fast enough to outrun the hollow with it's freakishly long legs.

"Fuck!" Jinta bellowed. "I can't believe we didn't bring hollow repellant!"

Karin paid him no mind. She needed to focus on how to kill it.

They skid into an alley way. Her eyes darted around the blurry landscape for any loose equipment that she could utilize against the hollow that persued them. No such luck but...

"Jinta, take this!" Karin ran next to him and shoved a can of sweat-covered pepper spray in his hand. "Find somewhere to hide! I'll bring the hollow to you. Spray it when I say go. That should give me the chance to kill it."

Jinta ducked behind a dumpster. "Roger. Don't fucking die on me, you bitch!"

But if Karin died, she could kill it like a bonafide soul reaper. She knew it would make it all the sweeter. After all, there was nothing better than her heart pounding in her ears when she cracked those beasts open like a walnut.

She tumbled into the street and down two blocks. She picked up a wobbly folding chair, tucked it under her arm, and made a u-turn to run beneath the proximate hollow.

The second she completed her one-eighty, Karin was pierced by four quills fired from its horns. She heard her sternum shatter.

She lost feeling to her legs. Somehow, she managed to balance herself on her knees. The hollow victoriously pranced to her like a show pony.

"Que suerte!" it whinnied. It hopped on it's back legs and the power lines swung. "I found a juicy one!"

"Bite me," Karin spat. She had two minutes before she bled out. If she was eaten before then, she couldn't become a shinigami and kill it without her powers capped by a living body.

"No, I'm going to savor this," it told her. "You were mighty prey, but we hollows are mightier."

Karin choked on blood when she tried to laugh. Nonetheless, with her teeth ruby red, she grinned. "You so sure? From what I can tell, you're just a little pansy. You couldn't even take on a couple of kids. You had to catch me by surprise before you even injured either one of us."

The giraffe-porcupine hollow headbutt Karin. She screamed and fell onto her side. Her feeble reishi shield wasn't able to even slow it down. Instead, it cracked her spine in at least two pieces from the blow.

Karin's breath was ragged. She barely make out the concrete she laid on, she was so close to death. How she craved it's sweet embrace: to finally don a black kimono and live as a monster hunter.

But Karin was never so lucky. Instead, a Senkaimon opened above her body, and Rangiku's Haineko tore the hollow apart.

Fuck.

"Yamada-kun, attend to Karin's wounds. I'll contact Urahara."

Karin was out of air to protest medical treatment. Her will to die was still iron strong. Despite her decimated spinal cord, she still managed to catch Hanatarou by his wrist and dislocated it with a squeeze.

Hanatarou yelped. Purple blossoms fell around her. Darkness finally shrouded her.

* * *

"You're lucky to be alive."

Karin was not awake for longer than ten seconds before Kisuke spoke. She tried to speak, but her mouth was so dry, it was like her tongue was glued to the roof of her mouth.

"Here." Kisuke pulled her head onto his knee and helped her sip a glass of water.

"What did you give me?" she finally rasped.

"About six hundred milligrams of lidocaine for the pain. You're stubborn. It took us twelve hours to completely heal your spine and ribs. If it was anyone who cared to live, it would've taken us only an hour or two."

"You didn't call Inoue?"

"No. I still haven't forgiven Ichigo for hurting my son, so I didn't want to call his friend. But enough about that. How are you feeling?"

"I wanted to die," Karin said.

Kisuke gave her a sad look. "Jinta and Ururu don't want you to die."

"They're going to watch me die anyways. Do you want to keep giving me skin grafts for when I burn myself? Wanna keep repairing my broken bones? How'd you like to wash my dead body after I cut my wrists?"

Kisuke watched her wordlessly. Karin, even numb thanks to all the lidocaine she was generously administered, could have heard a pin hit the floor.

"Jinta and Ururu want to see you. I need to perform an examination before I let you go, but they didn't want to wait."

"Okay."

Karin was alone and her head rolled to the side. The pain from death, both injury and the grief of those left behind, healed with time. Karin was like a patient on life support in the World of the Living. Stuck in a useless body. She only lived when she hunted monsters. When she felt their breath on her face, she was as giddy as she was terrified.

But there wasn't a soul ready for her sentence in the World of the Living to expire. She wondered if anyone would ever be kind enough to let her go.


End file.
